“Teach us to number our days, that we may present to you a heart of wisdom.” Psalm 90:12
It was the summer of 2018 and we were driving home from our family’s favorite camping spot up in the Eastern Sierras. Our three kids slept quietly in their car seats in the back and we had audible playing Clay and Sally Clarkson’s latest book, The Lifegiving Parent as we road-tripped back home. Little did we know the impact Chapter 2 - “Numbering Your Child’s Days” would make on our growing family.
This chapter talked about the importance of planning your life, and teaching your kids to do the same, to take responsibility for every day – for goal setting, growth, your walk with God and to talk about it with each other.
“As a family, we would gather to describe and discuss our goals, desires, and relationships with God. Whatever came out in those family times was wisdom born of God’s presence among us. It was a natural part of our life together with God as a family,” (The Lifegiving Parent, 28).
We wanted this – for these kinds of discussions to be a natural part of our lives together. We realized the importance and opportunity family times like this would offer. In that same chapter Clay talked about “a ten-year period of childhood we call the four-to-fourteen window—the prime parental teaching period…because the window of childhood is so “transient,” to use David’s language, we need to make the most of those years.” So, we came back from that camping trip eager to set up regular family planning meetings so we could be the ones intentionally helping shape our children’s values, attitudes, character, and walks with God. Because if we weren’t - someone or some thing else would.
We came back with great intentions for fruitful family times. But then, it didn’t happen. We found ourselves calling family meetings because the kids needed discipline - NOW. So we’d gather everyone around the table, lay down the law, set expectations and consequences, the kids would get discouraged, lose patience and we’d get frustrated they didn’t want to be there. We found no one enjoyed these family meetings at all. We were missing something. This was not the “fruit” we desired.
And then, something clicked. One day I started writing some talking points down in a journal before our family gathering times started. We noticed that the kids seemed to receive whatever we had to say a whole lot better if we started with encouragement first, then we moved on to an area we thought we could grow in as a family, and then each of us personally. This helped make talking a lot more straightforward and organized. We started realizing a pattern that worked best in the way we communicated and the questions we asked our kids during this time.
As we followed this family meeting outline month after month, encouraging each other, talking about the same questions, and picking things to pray over together as a family, we started to notice real growth in all of us and a much more natural sense of conversation around the table. It even started to become second nature for David and I to be thinking about the growth questions during the week and things we wanted to bring up at our next family gathering. We began to feel united, as parents and in our marriage which was a huge blessing! No more date nights were taken up talking about the slew of child discipline problems. We had a framework to quickly talk through the big things we wanted to address that month, knowing we would have time for any other things in the following weeks or months. Then we were free to enjoy each other, knowing we were on the same page.
As we saw growth in our own family and marriage, we knew we wanted to share it with other families. So we took the questions we had been asking in our own family meetings and compiled them all in one place – the Gathered We Grow Family Journal.
This journal gives you an organized and simple outline that, we hope, will remove some of the pressure of a family meeting. We can easily track growth, progress, encouragement, milestones, prayers and more. As you talk about these questions, they become second nature. Talking about growth and God becomes more and more normal as the months go on. Now, our kids look forward to family gatherings as we’ve made them a special monthly event (or weekly if needed!) complete with coloring pages at the table, their own Branch Journals, and a delicious special snack.
We realize that the window for us to be the most influential in our children’s lives is short – just 10 years. By going through this journal once a month with our kids, we are having 12 purposeful conversations a year about growth and God. There are months we miss, because…life. But a little intention goes a long way over a lifetime. We hope, as you commit to regularly gathering your family together to cultivate deeper conversations and discipleship that the Gathered We Grow Family Journal would be just as much a blessing to your family as it has been to ours.